My BFT (Best Friend Then)- August 18, 2010

Okay so, I got another rejection email last night, but I’m not going to sit here and whine about it. I did enough of that last night. Poor Mike. Besides, I have come to the conclusion that getting rejections is just par for the course. It means I’m out there, and in the mix. Plus all of the greats have been rejected, and I mean rejected a lot. I’m reading Stephen King’s book, On Writing, and he talks about all the rejections he got before getting published. It was brutal. But he NEVER GAVE UP!!! So, I’ve brushed myself off, and have resigned to get the rest of my submissions done this month and continue to write my blog (which I know you all enjoy immensely…I hope), and then starting in September, I’m going to start writing Meet Me In Philadelphia, my second novel. Sounds like a plan, right? Well, that’s until I get another rejection and beg Mike to order pizza and fries from my favorite greasy spoon. Yummmmmy, but not for my tummy. Milkshakes one night, pizza and fries the next; this writing thing is going to turn me into a complete fatso.

Okay, on to what I really want to talk about. So, yesterday evening I was on the phone talking to an old friend turned new friend, and it felt great, just like orchestra seats to a Broadway play great. And after we hung up from our hour-plus conversation, a part of me was wishing we hadn’t. I found myself walking around my house wishing she lived next door, and that we could chat over tea, our kids could play together (I know I don’t have any kids but it was a nice thought), we could go shopping together like we used to, eat chocolate covered pretzels together like we used to, tell each other everything, see each other every day. But the truth is, I haven’t laid eyes on her in more than twelve years, and I don’t even know when I ever will.

My BFT, let’s just call her T, and I met when we were in our early twenties. And I don’t know about her, but I liked her instantly. She was in a relationship with a guy I went to grade school with and they had a baby. I was in college, living at home with my parents, naïve to the world, and completely enthralled with her. At the time I was a supervisor at a big chain store, and she was looking for a job, so I hired her. We were inseparable. She was the very first friend I think I had that even though we grew up differently, and our lives were poles apart, we were the same. We both just wanted to be loved, cared for, and understood. I shared things with T that I didn’t share with anyone else. We would work together all day, and then go home and call each other and talk for hours as though we hadn’t. I loved her, deep down in my soul loved her, but then there was a misunderstanding, a fight, and everything I had with T was gone.

I’m not going to get into the specifics of our spat but I will say that we talked about it recently and it was all one big misunderstanding. Sadly, had we talked about it then maybe we’d still be BFF’s, but we were young and dumb, and that’s just the way it went.

At any rate, a few months ago T friend-requested me on Facebook and I was thrilled. I had looked for her on there many times, but I had heard she got married and I didn’t know her last name. Luckily we have a mutual FB friend, and T saw me on that person’s profile, extended an olive branch my way, and without hesitation I grabbed it. We FB’d each other, which led to emailing each other, which has led to a couple of extended phone calls, but we have yet to get together. She still lives in Maryland, which is two hours away from where I live, and with life, work, kids, writing, and everything else, we haven’t been able to hook up. But after my conversation with my old friend, I not only feel the urge to hook up, I have a burning desire for her to be that friend to me once again.

I don’t know what it is about T that makes our conversations feel like an old blankey, calming, comforting, and just right, but they always do. It’s like not a day has gone by, like we’re the same two young girls that just get each other. We talk about anything, and I find myself sharing with her my real, life-changing hopes and dreams, things I don’t tend to share with just anyone. Why would that be? Even with the distance, strain, and time, do some loves and friendships endure and stay the same?

I don’t have many friends—lots of acquaintances, yes. But true, call you in the middle of the night because you can’t sleep friends, no. But I’ve always longed for that. Even as a kid, I always had friends who had other BFFs. I was never that person. But for the time that T and I were friends, I really felt like I was her person. Maybe that’s why I still long for her, because I think she was the very first person that chose ME. Jeez, this writing thing has made me not only a fatty but a sentimental sap. Please forgive me.

I guess I just needed to get this off of my chest. I don’t know what the future holds for me and T; I wish I did. And even though this may sound silly and borderline weird, I’m hopeful that she longs for my friendship as much as I do, and we can become close again.

And maybe, just maybe, she was never my BFT (best friend then) but in some way, my BFF (best friend forever) all along.

So back to my list I go, following number 6 (spend more time getting to really know my true friends), number 30 (work to fix any strained relationships I have), and number 33 (be a better friend).

If you have a friend that you love, tell them.